Sucker's Luck
by Gemini97
Summary: She was certain that something was in the air. How else could she continue testing incessantly, without the need to stop and sleep, or even sit down for a moment? Even with the adrenal vapor that was added to her oxygen supply, Chell's muscles ached. And, most of all, she was just emotionally weary, and no amount of adrenaline could fix it.


**Hey guys! This is my debut fanfiction in the Portal fandom! It's also my first attempt at a fanfic for anything other than Danny Phantom (that I've decided to publish, that is). For those of you who have read/are reading my DP stuff, I've hit a stumbling block with it. Figured I should get out of this slump and see if writing something else would do the trick!**

 **So, here's a little oneshot exercise, delving into Chell's mind during one particular scene in the game. This particular idea has probably been done a lot before, especially in the Portal fandom, considering the whole** _ **Exile Vilify**_ **theme I've decided to go with, but hey! It's a good song! That, and this is just meant to drive me out of the creative rut I'm in. Don't know if this really counts as a songfic, since it really does happen in the game. I'm probably not going to add onto this, I'll just keep this short and sweet. That is, unless I get feedback encouraging me to. Then I'm sure I could find a way to expand a little. I do so love Portal, after all! :)**

 **That being said, I'd love some feedback, even if this is pretty short! Hope you enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Portal. Valve does.**

* * *

 **Sucker's Luck**

" _Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you…_ " The cold voice resonated through the entire building, shaking Chell to the core. " _It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep._ "

Chell, as always, refused to respond. She couldn't respond. She didn't want to give _Her_ the satisfaction of hearing her speak. However, as she stepped into the next dilapidated test chamber, she felt the ever-growing lump in her throat again. Even if she wanted to speak, she wasn't sure if she could. There weren't any words to describe that awful feeling inside her. It wasn't the petty insults that were making her feel this way, and _She_ probably knew that too. It was on a much deeper level than the superficial remarks made it out to be. _She_ knew all too well that she was in control this time. It was merely psychological warfare for her own amusement.

A platform rose up into the air on mechanical limbs in the middle of the room, a red beam of light flickering into existence over it from a socket in the wall. Chell heard the hum as the chamber came to life. As soon as the movement ceased, Chell forced herself to do the only thing she could do: solve the puzzle.

She walked around the platform, saw the Discouragement Redirection Cube sitting at the highest point of the chamber by the locked door. In determination, Chell reflexively shot the portal to the wall to retrieve the cube. However, she quickly found that her resolve was fading fast once again. Those unpleasant thoughts were still running around in her brain. She stood in the middle of the chamber. The gun drooped in her hand as both her arm and her gaze dropped to the floor.

Chell couldn't help but feel exhaustion in every sense of the word.

She was certain that something was in the air. How else could she continue testing incessantly, without the need to stop and sleep, or even sit down for a moment? Even with the adrenal vapor that was added to her oxygen supply, Chell's muscles ached. And, most of all, she was just emotionally weary, and no amount of adrenaline could fix it. She swayed shakily on the spot, shifting her weight from foot to foot.

Before she even realized it, the voice jolted her out of her trance. " _Well? What are you waiting for?_ "

A surge of anger ran through Chell. She felt her lips purse tightly—so tightly that they started quivering. It felt odd after her face being expressionless for so long. Her face had even gone numb somewhere along the way, not that she had the presence of mind to notice it.

Realizing that even showing emotions was a mistake around GLaDOS, she wiped it clean off of her face. Now it was back to the stony-faced tranquility of before. She started moving again, but something out of her peripheral vision caught her eye. Chell noticed that to her left was an opening in the paneling. It didn't seem to be part of the test chamber. There was a soft sound emitting from it. Chell couldn't tell what it was. She moved closer to it.

" _Where are you going?_ " GLaDOS asked, stern yet curious.

She hopped down about six feet into the small niche, the metal leg braces on her boots cushioning the impact with a soft twang. The first thing she noticed was the paintings on either side. 'VILIFY' in big letters to the left, 'EXILE' in big letters on the right. Her unseen friend had been here, though by the state of the little hideout, it probably had not been recently. Opened cans of beans littered the floor to the right, metal rusted. The sound she had heard turned out to static from a small white Aperture radio on the ground by the mural to the left. Chell crouched down and started fiddling with the tuner, not really expecting any signal to come through. She was miles underground. However, she stopped turning the dial when piano chords suddenly blared out of the little speakers.

 _Exile…  
_ _It takes your mind again_

Chell stood back up to look around the nook again. Fairly quickly though, before she took in all the details, she realized that there was warmth on her skin.

Looking up, she saw…

Light.

Sunlight.

It was definitely not artificial. It was pouring through a small opening in the panels of the ceiling, but it was still blinding. She squinted, stumbling back a little with surprise. How long had it been since she had last seen sunlight?

 _Does it feel like a trial?  
_ _Does it trouble your mind the way you trouble mine?_

The passage of time in this place was all but impossible to determine. Since she never slept, she never could tell how long a day was, not to mention weeks, months, or even years. Chell wouldn't have been surprised if she _had_ been in this wretched facility for years at this point.

She could hardly remember anything about her life before Aperture. Mostly just feelings, the familiar ones like sadness, anger, and frustration… but also the ones that she experienced so rarely in here. The ones she had only experienced when she had discovered that someone was on her side. Like happiness. She had probably had friends and even family, despite what GLaDOS told her. But just how much of her life could she not remember?

From the rare glimpses she had of herself in portals, Chell estimated that she was a young adult. Not old by any means, but it still pained her to know that she had lost probably over twenty years of memories that she feared would probably never come back. That lump was growing even thicker in her throat, accompanied by a painful burning sensation behind her eyes.

 _No, you're thinking too fast  
_ _You're like marbles on glass_

" _I might not be able to see you back there, but I_ _ **do**_ _know that there isn't any escape route in there._ " She paused in silence for another minute. However, when Chell still didn't return to the test chamber, She spoke again, Her voice low, " _It's just killing you, isn't it? How you're going to be stuck here for the rest of your life, and there isn't a thing you can do about it? But staying in there isn't going to change anything. Why don't you just come back up here and solve this test?_ "

Despair once again overtook her, and this time without GLaDOS's gaze on her, she finally fell apart. She felt her back hit the wall as she slid down to the floor. Her arms wrapped around her legs.

There was another moment of silence, filled only by the hum of electricity and the somber song emitting from the radio. " _Is this supposed to be an act of defiance? I honestly can't tell. Have you given up?_ " GLaDOS paused yet again, as if expecting a response of some sort. She didn't receive one. " _Oh, that's sad. I never thought you would…_ "

It was obvious in the tone of Her mechanical voice that the thought of Chell giving up was not what she wanted. So, as was typical of Her, she was attempting to goad her into coming out of the little corner that was beyond her reach. The back of her head rested against the wall, staring up into that sunlight. It was so close.

That's what she had been last time, too. She had been so close to freedom, she had defeated Her. She had finally gotten outside only to be dragged back into this cursed place. She had almost escaped yet again, when Wheatley had finally woken her from the long term relaxation vault. The two of them had almost made it out, but then her new and only friend's unwise mistakes had cost her her freedom and then him his life.

So close…

 _You've got sucker's luck  
_ _Have you given up?_

The song echoed GLaDOS's earlier question mere moments later.

Chell couldn't help but feel exhaustion in every sense of the word.

Would escaping even be worth the effort, if she didn't know who her loved ones were, not to mention if they were even still alive? She had no idea how much time had passed since she had first defeated GLaDOS. They could all be dead. Chell also recalled several remarks from the AI about what a mess the outside world had become in the meantime. Was freedom worth living in a possibly much less hospitable world than the artificial one she was being forced to inhabit? She honestly didn't know what to expect. Maybe it _would_ be easier to just give up.

The notion was short lived, though, as the thought immediately made her scoff. Her? Give up? She didn't want her two only friends in this place to have had their efforts been in vain. There was a possibility that her friends and family out there could still be alive. There was always the possibility that She had been lying to her, as well. It wouldn't have been the first time. Most of all, she didn't want _Her_ to win. She _couldn't_ allow Her to win. Giving up would be letting her win in the long run. The righteous anger swelled up within her again.

Strings swelled up for the last couple bars of music before one last piano chord hung on the air. Eventually it died back down into static.

Chell stood up, looking back up into the dirty white walls of the test chamber above her. She was going to go back up there and do what she did best. She would take it one test chamber at a time until she could figure a way out of this nightmare. It was all she could do, but eventually, she told herself, it would all be worth it in the end.

She may have had sucker's luck. But that was okay. She didn't _need_ luck. Her struggles were what had made her what she was. Giving up was never an option.

She was quite tenacious, after all.


End file.
